Film Review: 'The Emoji Movie'

Consensus: STEER CLEAR OF THIS FILM, GENERAL AUDIENCE 🔇🔇🔇🔇 THIS IS A 🔥PILE OF 💩

Look, I had an hour and a half to spare, and for some reasons unknown to myself, I wanted to check out "The Emoji Movie". Needless to say, I have regretted my decision since and will probably need to reevaluate my life, 'cause this will not only waste your time, it will also lower your IQ.

The film tells the story of Gene, a multi-expressional emoji living in the world of emojis inside this kid, Alex's, phone. This makes him become an outsider, as Emojis can only be what they are, serve their duties, then go home. When Gene takes up the mantle of "Meh" in "The Emoji Box", he flubs his job and must redeem himself alongside fellowmen Jailbreak and Hi-Five, on a journey of self-exploration, filled with colorful animation and funny jokes.

Yeah, NO. This is Hollywood's Cynical Cash Grab at its best, and worst, because according to Deadline, this is going to give 'Dunkirk' a run for its money, with 27 million dollars and counting.

FUCKING 'DUNKIRK'.

This is a shitty movie, with shitty characters, shitty dialogue, a shitty script, shitty jokes and a shitty plot.

EMOJIS. HOW CAN YOU MAKE A FILM ABOUT IT?

Worse, the film just relentlessly harbors itself on product placement, waiting to explode in your faces. You can actually make a drinking game out of it: every time you see a product placement, take a shot. 'Oh, there's Spotify. Shot' 'Candy Crush. Shot' 'Just Dance rip off. Shot' The good thing is that after you have seen this movie, with this game, you will be absolutely hammered, and most probably, will have forgotten about this movie altogether. I didn't have that novelty.

And it ends, with A DANCE NUMBER. At that point I have clocked out, but that was just the nail on the coffin.

The best I can say about this film, is that Patrick Stewart (Professor X, Jean Luc-Picard) plays 💩. Literally. You don't hear that sentence often, so, at least there is something to grasp out of this. He doesn't get to do much, but he's 💩. What more can you want

Otherwise, this is a dumpster fire, covered with lackluster animation, a nonsensical plot and a mercifully-short-but-not-short-enough 90 minute runtime. Sure, your kids are gonna be awake, but to accompany them would be a 💥 to the ⚽️⚽️.

Overall: D-, because it's short, at the very least. And if you're looking to keep your toddlers quiet for an hour and a half, this is probably a good alternative.